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I’m at the bar getting another beer, my head on a swivel, so many hot young girls roaming around me. The shortness of their skirts, the tightness of their jeans. I’m also noticing something else, the tight muscle tone, their calves , legs, triceps. Nothing flabby waving about, a rare sight when it comes to the typical DC woman. I regain my composure. Fine now what? It’s been almost 10 years since I was in college but I still remember the college game. I rejoined my group to let it come back to me and come up with the proper game plan.


couple kissing under gray clouds

The Rookie, his roommate, the three readers and myself start looking at the ones we want. The readers closer to college age than myself are ready to pounce early around 11:45. To make the rounds and spit game. For some reason that doesn’t feel like the right move to me. You can’t hold these guys back it’s like trying to control rabid wolves while vulnerable fawns are wondering around. But the club was still filling up. They were off all in different directions. I tried to hang back a little longer but not too long till I looked like the creepy old guy drinking by himself. There were hard lessons learned that night, lessons I already knew about.

The first hour a college girl enters a college bar or club is spent texting other friends and guys to see when they’re coming or what else they’re up to. They look for other friends already there, check out other bitches outfits, gossip and start downing drinks like they’re trying to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. Yeah they might be on the dance floor doing what’s stated above but don’t be fooled into approaching, it’s a Venus pussy flytrap. Another thing you should know is that every girl in there knows each other in some way or form, they have classes together, are in a sorority, sports team or academic club. Getting rejected by one can easily cause a domino affect if it’s seen by others so spit game on the very sly. Despite what you think the advanced cerebral part of a college girl’s brain has not fully developed. Socially they are fucking dumb as rocks. The only exist on the most primitive shallow level. So don’t over think gaming them with something witty, charming or mind blowing. You have to go H.A.M on your alpha. Big muscles, nice clothes, money to buy them drinks that’s about it. Lastly don’t be old. If you meet a college girl out on the town at venue where older crowds hang out then it’s cool to let them know how old you really are. But if you’re in a college club on college night shut the fuck up and just say you’re in you first year of grad/law school at DDU (Dick’em Down University) otherwise you’re creepy.

My boys and I would soon learn some of these lessons. Sometimes if you didn’t look right or attractive enough you’d get blown right out of the water before you even opened your mouth. Other times you’d spit game and the group of girls would look at each other like who’s this motherfucker, once they realized nobody knew you it would be a slow tune out. The worst part though and what I had forgotten is that college girls are THE BIGGEST COCK BLOCKS IN THE UNIVERSE. You’d be talking to a girl having a pleasant conversation then here comes her friend (the one that always has some kind of drama or “has to go find someone right now”) to pull her away. I talked to this tall Swedish girl at three different points of the night and every time the conversation would end by the same “friend” coming to pull her away. The irony is that the girl that comes to pull the friend away is slightly hotter and often times a bigger slut than her friend, in actuality that is the girl you should be talking to, but then again she’s also a bitch.

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Some in the group gave up and called it an early night. I knew though with college girls (many don’t have classes on Friday morning) that the later in the night it got the better your chances. Finally around 1 I went to the bar and spit game to this curly haired brunette in a purple leather skirt waiting for a drink. She was tipsy and a beta orbiter was hanging around her. I offered to buy her a drink and when it came gave it to her and turned my back on her. She tapped me on the shoulder and i told her I didn’t mean to interrupt things between her and her boyfriend. “Oh that’s not my boyfriend, we were roommates last year” (LOL, I wasn’t born yesterday). Acting a little salty I told her I had to find my friends on the dance floor. She said she wanted to follow me. The crowd on the dance floor seemed too thick and we got separated. I found the remaining two guys on the ledge and noticed her dancing with her friends close by.

The music was thumping, I asked some guy what the dj was playing, it sounded retarded like a machine gun firing to a beat. Skrillex? The fuck is a skrillex? Later I’d found who it was and remembered it was also a very popular haircut worn but slutty hipster chicks who get naked pictures of them posted on the awesome website (NSFW!) (Mad shout out to hunter and them doing God’s work, shit is the funniest sight on the web). What happened to the pussy popping music they used to play back in my college days. Whistle while you twurk ying yang twins, some 2 Live Crew Hoochie Mama. Girls bending over in a three point stance dropping it like it’s hot. Man they don’t party like they used to back in the day.

Eventually she stumbles over and talks some shit with one of the readers. I, ignore her for a few. Finally I grab her, she turns around and grinds her ass on my junk. Ahhhh college, that’s more like it. I get an aggressive dry hump so good I almost tipped her a $5. It was stripper raw, her ass college firm, all I could think was “damn I got to get me one of these”. Kenny Powers style! Much to the dismay of her friends who keep looking at her, then looking at me, then mouthing to her who the fuck is that guy. Till finally after a few songs one has to come pull her away because of some “emergency” or another.

The lights come on and we decide to hit the street and run street game as other college bars were letting out close by. Once on the street I see a girl I recognized from the inside who was being pulled around by a drunk friend all night. I tap her and look her up and down realizing she has a very athletic body.

What sport do you play?
(Flirting) Guess
Field hockey?
Nope, softball.
(concerned) really, what position
First base
Cool, I can work with that!


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